THE SAD REASONS PEOPLE GO INTO PARTICLE PHYSICS

by STICKY BISCUITS

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Vince Hamilton
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Vince Hamilton I love songs that would make my mom wince, while I smile broadly. Favorite track: Sock Puppet.
1337priest
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1337priest The whole album is just so great! The instrumental choices are really out of the ordinary, yet surprisingly amazing. The lyrics are witty and fun! Overall, the whole album is very enjoyable. Favorite track: The Perks of Religion.
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about

Berlin comedy songs duo STICKY BISCUITS do neat, nerdy and naughty tunes about things like the reasons people go into particle science, the impending zombie apocalypse and the sexual proclivities of certain russian leaders.

credits

released July 3, 2014

Songwriting / Vocals / Ukulele / Kalimba / Glockenspiel / Piano: Naomi Fearn
Vocals / Stylophone / Yamaha PS-1 / Casio VL-5 / Melodica / Drums: Marc Seestaedt
Production / E-Guitar / Strings Arrangement / Bass : Frank Böster, www.behindthecouchstudio.com
Cat Snore: Sisko

on 'Put(t)in Out': Accordion: Miss Natasha Enquist www.natashaenquist.com

on 'Ungoogleable You': Production / Bass / Backing Vocals: MF David Deery www.mfdaviddeery.com

This album was crowd financed though www.startnext.de
A huge THANK YOU to our SUPPORTERS : Julia Weitbrecht, Veronika Mischitz, Andrea Hein, Belinde Ruth Stieve, Laurin Dietrich, Daniel S. Lee, Juliette Dufau, Jessie Mottar, Karin Liau, Eike Zaumseil, Summer Banks, Tim Whelan, Paul Salamone, Bianca Schillinger, Rahel Savoldelli, Jonathan O'Reilly, Jonathan Mertz, Pablo Ientile, Klaus Cornfield, Geoff Pinfield, Ryan Van Winkle, Luca Treves, Daniel Fearn, Anna Pesavento, Lena Nitsch, Kinga Hiller, Dagmar Kube-Erhardt, Andrea Schlüter, Bernd Seestaedt, Marion Vican, Alex Upatov, Christiane Lahusen, Maren Vogel, Sydnee Wallich, Eckart Breitschuh, Lesley Dean, Joe Jackson, Carlos Stockhausen, Lucia Hodinka, Tino Truppel and Sarah Burrini

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about

STICKY BISCUITS Berlin, Germany

Sticky Biscuits from Berlin sing, blip, hoot and occasionally howl about the naughty and nerdy, the raunch and the rocket science, the kinky and the kitchen sink.

Help us make more: www.patreon.com/stickybiscuits

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Track Name: Ungoogleable You
At first it hurt,
When I found you were common as dirt
I thought you were one of a kind
Only to find
there is one in a million
Of you
Please don't let it be true
How am I supposed to keep an eye on you, ungoogleable you
Now that we're broken up?

You seemed so irreplaceable
but turned out unmyspaceable
the search for your name
came up with six thousand four
hundred eighty seven of the same

you're a schoolkid in Alaska,
you're a laywer in Nebraska,
you're a DJ of AM rock,
you're a fanboy that I had to block,
you're a Christian Metal Band,
Your're a vet with a prosthetic hand,
a backup dancer for Mc Hammer,
you're a Nigerian email scammer

I couldn't find you anywhere
my heart was nearly broken
when I friended what turned out to be
a rabbi in Hoboken

whatever can I do
to find
Ungoogleable You?

I on the other hand am unique
Google claims there's only one of me
They say I'm rather stalkable
Desperately approachable
If you should ever feel the need
You'll easily find my Twitter feed

140 characters solo!

I know I'm the one who set you loose
'cause I could not agree to your terms of use
But What can I do?
I still miss you

I know that We'll never meet
outside in the street
Wonderful
Ungoogleable you
Track Name: The Sad Reasons why People go into Particle Physics
You were the supernova in my life
I could see you and me being husband and wife
but The expansion of the distance
Between you and I
was accelerating
And I don't know why

so I will build a particle collider
I'll try To find A new physics
To explain
Why the strong force Of our attraction
Wasn't strong enough to hold
Us together Til the end of time

I knew that physics wasn't really your thing
but I still hoped you would accept my ring
but maybe I blew it when I blew up the car
I didn't know the laser beam would reach that far

And I would like to say that I'm sorry that
Miffy didn't survive her turn as Schrodingers cat
I guess now we know that as long as the lid stays closed
the cat is certainly dead if you don't put in airholes.

all i wanted was to See the Look in your eyes
as I go up to accept the noble prize
I don't know what I did to make the dream shatter
but now my heart is filled with dark matter

so I will build a particle collider
I'll try To find A new physics
To explain
Why the strong force Of our attraction
Wasn't strong enough to hold
Us together Til the end of time

I will build detectors
Sixteen stories high
To detect that particle
Of time
That I missed
That made you go

The largest machine Ever built
Won't bring you back

so I will build a particle collider
I'll try To find A new physics
To explain
Why the strong force Of our attraction
Wasn't strong enough to hold
Us together Til the end of time

And if I find A new particle
No one has ever seen
It might not prove
There is a god
But it might prove
I really was
in love.
Track Name: The Perks of Religion
There’s a man/ he’s a good man
he’s got great sense of humor and he’s really good with kids
there’s another man/ he’s a good man, too
he’s not so good with kids
but the sex is really great

they both would like t have me as their wife
but they both want to be the only person in my life
I don’t know how I could choose just one
if that would mean that I would loose the other one

Oh I wish I was a Southern Mormon Bigamist
not one, not two, but three names on my wedding registry list
I wish I was a Southern Bigamist Mormon
turn around and see two loving faces in the morning

There’s a woman/ She’s a good woman
she likes to cook and listen and she always understands
there’s another woman/ she’s a hot woman
she’s wild and crazy and she does amazing things with her hand

I asked them both if they could be my steady
they looked at me and said ‚kid, you’re not ready‘
and I guess that from their point of view they’re right
Cause I’d really like to have them over together for the night

Oh I wish I was a Southern Mormon Bigamist
but that’d be tricky cause I am an atheist
I’d go for polygamist Polynesian
or polyandrous Nepalesian

some people say to me that I am greedy
I’m selfish, narcissistic and I’m needy
but I don’t think I’m a whore/ just cause I want more
cause if there’s one thing better than two breasts in your face
well then it’s four

-instrumental-

it’s a lot of work/ it can make you go berserk
but it can work I hope and hey,
it’ll piss off the pope

so I guess I’ll be a Berlin polyamorist
a multiple people cuddling anarchist
and if you would like to be one too
talk to us after the show and we’ll see what we can do!
Track Name: Sock Puppet
we were on another date
it was getting rather late
I brought you to your door
like so many nights before
but as you turned to say goodbye
I thought I’d give it one more try

and I leaned over and I whispered
in your ear, my dear:
would you like to be my sock puppet?
show me your c*** and let me f****** it?
would you let me linger with my palm and all my fingers
so deep inside of you?
but that’s not what you would let me do

you wouldn’t be my sock puppet
you told me to buzz off and go shove it
so I went home all alone, feeling quite forlorn
and stayed up watching porn

then a few weeks later
you invited me for tea
we sat there quite politely
with your extended family
you never told me that your grandma
looked like Helen Mirren
I felt something stirrin’
and since you had said no
I thought I’d go and give it a go.

can you guess what I did?

"Mrs. Applebee, would you like to be my sock puppet?
would you like to feel my hand up it?
even though you’re old and wrinkly
I could make your eyes all twinkly
if you just let me try
-and they say to try it once before you die

be my sock puppet
like I’m Jim Henson and you’re the muppet!
would you let me slide
my hand deep inside
cause that’s where I like to hide
my keys and my wallet and my phone

be my sock puppet
I’m pretty sure that you’d love it“
and now she can’t get enough
of fitting me like a glove
my love
Track Name: Put(t)in' out
Putin likes to ride a horse bare chested
but in men he says he's not interested
he swears that he's not gay as such
methinks he doth protest too much
I think Putin would like to be puttin' out.

Yeah, without a doubt
I think Putin would like to be puttin' out.

Putin likes to go to the country side with his manly friends
Where he likes to wrestle big animals with his bare hands
he's externalizing his shame
and he needs someone to blame
cause he'd really like to wrestle a different kind of bear

Yes, without a doubt
I think Putin would like to be puttin' out.

Oh Putin, come out now, I know you can
don't be gay and keep denying it, that's so Republican
Putin, I know your gayness will prevail
because who but a gay man would put a pussy riot in jail?

These batshit crazy laws you've made up this far
make me think of Putin as Darth Vader on his Death Star
who can't tell his favorite storm trooper
that he'd like it up the pooper
and because of that lots of people have to die...

...sooo, without a doubt
we'd be much happier and safer
if you were out.
Because even Putin, you
should be allowed to love who you want to
cause that's really all we all want to do.
Track Name: Beige
riding on the Autobhan
you always pass a big motorbus
filled with old people to the last seat
looking out at us

and as I look back up
into each wrinkled face
I wonder what is up
why is it the case

that no matter what color their favorite is
and I don't mean to be mean
at some point they throw out all the red and blue
and wear nothing but camel and cream

dear old people why beige?
when you turn a certain age, why beige?

at the next rest stop the bus stopped as well
I saw the driver and I asked him, do tell
why is it all the rage
for people to wear nothing but beige?

he said its to the let the angel of death know
that they're ready to go
he said I am one of the drivers of death
and when old folks are ready to breathe their last breath

they get our the khakis and tan
and every beige woman and man
are picked up by the busses and drive
to wherever you go when you're no longer alive

and that's why I'll always wear black
I was born and I'll never go back
I'll never war beige and you can't make me
and if I don't you can't take me
and I could live forever
you and I could live forever

but one day we'll be the ones
who are left cause all our friends are gone
and then you and I
will put all our dark clothes aside
and you will hand
me a sweater the color of sand
and we'll wait be the side of the road

and when the bus comes it will stop
I'll kiss you and help you get up
and we'll get to our feet
we'll get on and we'll take a seat
and then we'll say goodbye

and with a sigh
the bus starts up and rides
to where the road meets the sky
Track Name: Not the End of the World
I had a crappy time today
My Boss has given my job away
and Because of all the time I spent
watching Internet porn
I couldn't pay my Rent

(I know that u think I'm wussy
But I got herpes on my face again)

but U look at me with your soft brown eyes
Take my face in ur hands
And u Say with a smile

That s not the end of the world
That s not the end of the world (little darling)
That s not the end of the world

but the icecaps are melting
Oceans are on the rise
the Scientists are predicting our certain Demise
the Conspiracy theorists are hoarding guns and axes
and On top of it I forgot to file my taxes

but U look at me with your soft brown eyes
Take my face in ur hands
And u Say with a smile

That s not the end of the world
That s not the end of the world (little darling)
That s not the end of the world

this week has been lousy, there's no use pretending
the Water is rising the world is ending
the fires have taken the Fruits of our Labour
the Zombies are here and they've eaten the neighbors

I look at you, your Flesh rotting away
you Look at me one brown eye falling away

uuhhhh uuhhhhh uuhhh

Listen to u and I watch you for a while
I love ur Optimism but i think ur in denial
So lets Sing it together

That s not the end of the world
That s not the end of the world (little darling)
That s not the end of the world
We might have to fact the facts
This might be end of the world
Track Name: Love Ninja
you walk by
and your eyes don't ever notice me
it's not fair
but you can't care for what you cannot see
I must always remain out of sight
I must protect you with all my might
with the two swords on my back
my heart is red my payjamas are black

cause I'm a love ninja
and I'm out to win ya
but you'll never know
I'll keep you safe whereever you go
I have poison darts that I will throw
for you

when you were sunbathing by the lake
my heart was red and raw
I was there
but underwater breathing through a straw
when that old lady cut in front of you
in the supermarket line
I chopped up all her shopping in the hopes
that you'd be mine

cause I'm a ninja of love
and I'm hovering above you
in the hall
my hands jammed into the wall
one wrong move and I'll fall
for you

I'd kill for you
actually I did
do you remember that kid
that called you fat?
a throwing star can go quite far
the little idiot wasn't expecting that

but I wish thre was a way
I could say "I love you"
besides secretly killing people with my powers
some way better
like a letter
or some flowers
but when I got mad that you will never wear my ring
I strangled fourteen hipsters with a piece of ninja string

cause I'm a love ninja
and I'm outside your window
on the sixteenth floor
sometimes I wish I could just use the dor
or show you the poems that I wrote
for you

like

roses are red
violets are blue
I beat up a trucker with my nunchucks for you
or
nothing should ever disturb your sweet slumber
so I drowned your landlord and strangled the plumber
or
I'm sorry I decapitated the yuppie
I'll make it up, look, I got you a puppy

cause I'm a love ninja
and I'm out to win ya
but you'll never know
I'll keep you safe whereever you go
Track Name: What shall I be
shall I be your 4x4
roaring over snow
taking you reliantly
wherever you may go

shall I be your blanket
I'd keep you safe and warm
shall I be a handsome plaid shirt
dressing up your arm

what shall I be
whatever shall I be
to let you know how much you mean to me

shall I be your hands
we'd make and we'd create
and I'd get to touch your cock
when you masturbate

your head between somebody's legs
shall I be your tongue
stick me in somebody's face
oh we'd have so much fun

what shall I be
whatever shall I be
to let you know how much you mean to me

oh I don't think I shall be your brain
because I'm not that smart (oh c'mon)
much rather I'd sit in your chest
and be your beating heart

looking at your socks I don't think
I shall be your foot
and I shall truly never ever ever be your butt

what shall I be
whatever shall I be
to let you know how much you mean to me